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COOL is Cool

Do you know what’s cool? COOL is. Now you’re thinking, “What the hell is this guy talking about? Why doesn’t he just shut up about being cool?” Well, you’re probably right. COOL isn’t cool because it’s cool, it’s actually not cool, but it should be. It’s not cool in the sense that nobody knows about it. Everyone’s too busy following the media like a blind sheep, but this isn’t about sheep, it’s about sheep’s flesh!


Okay, now I’m not talking about some Satanic ritual, I’m talking about an American ritual. I’m talking about an American’s right to know AND to choose where the food they’re buying off the supermarket shelves comes from. Why is that important? Because mad cow disease.


Before I confuse you any more, I’ll let you know that COOL is the Country of Origin Labeling Act (Get it? COOL?). It’s a law that requires all imported food to be labeled with their country of origin. So Canadian meat will say “Made in Canada” and so on. The reason I bring up Canada and Mad Cow is because, well, Mad Cow came from imported Canadian meat. With COOL in effect, people can look at their canned tuna and see “Made in Japan” and think about the dolphins that could have been harmed and say, “Hey, maybe I should buy local?”


People argue that this discriminates against foreign countries, but I say hardly.  For the same reasons that people buy American over China, people buy American over anywhere else. People obviously want their food to be local and fresh, not preserved and imported. Buying American and buying healthy really go hand in hand.


I mean, something like COOL could have prevented Mad Cow. And those raspberries. No, I don’t mean those silly tummy kisses, I mean those contaminated berries that came out of Guatemala a few years back. And E. Coli. And salmonella.


So why am I even talking about this, you may ask in that pseudo-intellectual voice in your head. It’s because COOL is in danger of becoming uncool. You see, COOL was found by the World Trade Organization to be in violation of the Uruguay Round of the General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade. Now, I that name sounds like a bunch of legal mumbo-jumbo but what it means is that a bunch of guys… from foreign countries… who appointed themselves… are trying to tell us how to run our country… from outside our country. Sound familiar? Like a certain revolutionary war?


As citizens, we’ve never given up our constitutional rights. We fought hard for those. And we’re certainly not going to give them up to a group of prejudicial, foreign interests, who clearly have their own agendas. We’ll decide how to run our country. We’ve been doing it for over 200 years.

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